Dear Emotions,
Please get ahold of yourself. You’re embarrassing me.
Love, Brook
Wouldn’t it be nice if it were that easy? If I could only just kindly ask, and all the stupid things I do and think would just stop. I want my silly emotions to leave until some boy decides to propose. I would rather not deal with these shenanigans.
Pause.
I would just like to know why fall is leaving so soon.
Just stay. For a moment, please.
I’m not really overwhelmed, but things are moving fast. Growing up really freaks me out sometimes. I hate when days end, reflectively speaking (I’m usually okay with it after a particularly exhausting day, when I want to sleep). The combination of feeling content while struggling with regret leaves me feeling that the days are slipping by a little too quickly for my liking.
Reasons why I would not like today to end:
I didn’t grow enough today.
I’m young and I just don’t want to be old.
I really like Grace College and if days keep happening then I’ll have to leave.
Being a real life grown-up seems pretty scary.
My motivation was not to praise and honor God.
Materialism monopolized my thoughts.
Christ’s love did not radiate through me today.
I was a poor steward of my time.
Reasons why it’s probably better that it did:
God created the world to progress. I guess I should go ahead and jump on that train.
I guess I’m staying at Grace for fall break.
After a breakdown, both of my car and my emotions,
I think I’ll be okay with this.
A flow of conscious thought:
I’ve been wanting to blog lately, but I’m always hesitant. In general, I would say it comes from a fear. You know, that fear. The question I know we all ask ourselves, “What will people think of me?”
This is so silly, but I know intelligent people read my blog. I’m always questioning whether I sound smart enough, if my grammar is correct enough, if my thoughts are profound enough. Usually, I fail my own test of approval before I even try.
But seriously, I know this is stupid. I can speak those exact words in my head, or out loud, and know they’re true. I disregard them anyway.
It’s not just for my blog though, you all should know. In general, most interactions I have are followed by the question. I can analyze everything I say and the responses they got. What for? It’s my rumpus.
I just considered deleting this post because it sounds stupid. I’m not going to though.
This is my beginning of a more existential blog.
Dear autumn,
I sincerely apologized that it took this long for my welcome, but I am very glad that you are here. I must admit, though, that I have been denying your arrival. Ashamedly, I began liking summer. You see it’s not that I like summer more than you, but there are a few summer things that I miss.
I don’t really want to stay inside and I don’t know if I want to wear coats yet
But you do mean a lot to me. I want you to know I really love apple cider and hot chocolate and coffee and tea. These warm drinks warm my soul, and are best enjoyed while you are here. I really like sweaters as well. And scarves. I love your cool, crisp weather. Have I mentioned the beautiful colors that you bring to the trees? I love when I start to notice the change, dearest autumn. Each leaf is a work of art.
Autumn, never leave me. Please, stay here forever.
Love, Brook
3 weeks. Only 3 weeks. I can’t believe that it feels so natural here, still. I spent all summer subconsciously telling myself that it wouldn’t.
I love that I’m forming new, blessed relationships. I love that old friendships have picked up where they ended. I really love everything here, besides the money it costs for laundry, oh, and tuition. I’m not such a big fan of that.
I wish time could freeze here forever. But seriously, if I’m enjoying life this much, I cannot even imagine how great heaven will be.
I am panicking.
Things I need to do:
Pack. duh.
Finish reading a whole lot. (I’m a slacking RA. Haters)
Make a myriad of things to make Liane and I’s dorm really hip
Spend time with family and friends.
Last minute summer goals. (coffee shop, beni hana’s, ikea)
Pray a whole lot and really be ready for this time preparing for the hall.
Also, I have a really awesome opportunity Fort Wayne on Wednesday. I’ve been hired by a florist to take some photos of her shop and arrangements, which is such a blessing because of my massive need for cash and of course my desire to build up my resume, but, unfortunately, that is one day I won’t have to get ready for Thursday.
![thedailywhat:
Yahoo! Question of the Day: I was a teenage vampire.
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I just died laughing.](http://5.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kod81rFvJw1qzpwi0o1_500.jpg)
Proust Questionnaire
Vanity Fair asks famous subjects each month. It’s called the Proust Questionnaire because of Marcel Proust who’s name, I do believe, can be found on the Barnes & Noble in Easton. But anyways, I thought it was intriguing, and thought it might be interesting to answer a few times during my life, just to remember and examine.
1. Your most marked characteristic: Passion. Everything I do is because of my passion. Religion, friendships, academics. Hopefully people recognize me by my passion.
2. The Quality you most like in a man: God fearing. Strong. Passionate.
3. The Quality you most like in a woman: God fearing. Tender. Passionate.
4. What do you value in your friends? Loyalty. Respect. Vulnerability.
5. What is your principle defect? My desire to be unique. I sometimes want to be noticed so much that it can get in the way of enjoying the moment.
6. What is your favorite occupation? Photographer.
7. What is your dream of happiness? Having a husband whom I love so much I can hardly bear to be apart from him. (thanks to Dr. and Mrs. Maur for having such a wonderful example of what marriage should look like) and having children who develop a love and fear of God. and maybe having a home and stuff.
8. What to your mind would be the greatest of misfortunes? I dream about people in my family dying and it scares me so much. I think if my mom died before I was sure that she was sure she was going to heaven.
9. What would you like to be? a wife, a mother, a photographer, an artist.
10. In what country would you like to live? I would be satisfied anywhere along with a few key ingredients.
11. What is your favorite color? a very specific shade of green.
12. What is your favorite flower? lately, lilac.
13. What is your favorite bird? birds really scare me.
14. Who are your favorite prose writers? To be honest, I have none.
15. Who are your favorite poets? One of my favorites is “the road not taken” by Robert Frost.
16. Who is your favorite hero of fiction? Would it be too embarrassing to say Harry Potter? oh well.
17. Who are your favorite heroines of fiction? scout finch or eponine thenardier.
18. Who are your favorite composers? I guess I take more to specific pieces of music rather than the composer, which is unfortunate because of the hard effort that goes into creating beautiful mus.
19. Who are your favorite painters? Degas, Renoire, Seuret. Impressionists.
20. Who are your heros in real life? My mother, because I so respect her strength and servitude. She isn’t perfect and she struggles with forgiving herself, but she will always forgive others.
21. Who are your favorite heroines of history? when I was young, I had an obsession with Victoria Claflin Woodhull. Who was she you ask? Well, of course, she was the first woman to run for president which I hoped to be from the time I stopped wanting to be Miss America until about 7th grade.
22. What are your favorite names? Lena, Zella, and Henry
23. What is it you most dislike? Stubbornness.
24. What historical figures do you most despise? hmm.. maybe Pharaoh.
25. What natural gift would you most like to possess? the ability to memorize the entire Bible and then, at any given moment, just search the Bible (in my mind) for some good old advice
26. How would you like to die? quickly and real exciting-like
27. What is your present state of mind? interested. complex.
28. To what faults do you feel most indulgent? criticism. sometimes I have this part of me that is convinced I know it all and have got it all together and I should just march right up to you and let you know what’s up.
29. What is your motto? You are really foolish Brook, but sometimes it makes you and your friends laugh a bunch. Keep doing it, even when people stare :)
